Barbara ScogingsEducational abuse, addictive behaviour, angry, blame others, bullying, con artists, confused, control, demean and belittle others, dominate, emotional, fatigue, fear, feel stupid, lack of self-esteem, lethargic, loss of memory, manipulative, mental abuse, no conscience, pathological, responsible, spiritual lessons, tearful, they lie!, threaten others, ulterior motive, understanding, very immature behaviour, very self absorbed, worthless
Emotional understanding-Abuse and bullying
Abuse and bullying
Dear friends,
I want to lend insight into something that happens far too frequently for my personal comfort – ABUSE AND BULLYING - of the emotional/mental kind. I do not for one minute believe that people realize how much of this goes on in our daily lives. I confront emotional/mental abuse either in my personal life or with clients on an almost daily basis. Its regularity will continue to astound me. I am not attracting these types into my life because I still have lessons to learn; but after having graduated cum laude with first hand knowledge of emotional bullying, I do know that I have much to share and teach.
Physical/sexual abuse is masculine in nature, overt and ‘out there’ in its approach, tangible and easy to identify. Of course if it needs to be hidden for some reason, then emotional/mental abuse is resorted to in order to keep the deed secret. This cowardly approach is key; feminine by nature it is insidious, subtle, covert and well hidden and therefore very difficult to identify. That is why so much goes unnoticed and is not acknowledged or dealt with.
How to identify the emotional/mental bully:
Even though appearing kind, caring, passive and accepting on the exterior the ulterior motive is to control/dominate. They wear a mask at all times in order to cover the ulterior motive.
Switch this charming, warm behaviour on/off very suddenly. Aggressive/passive displays. No consistency.
Terrified that someone will see through their deception, they force their will on others and instill fear and guilt into them.
Clever, not intelligent. Convince others however of their intellectual prowess. Brag and boast. Cut others down to size.
Manipulate people to feel sorry for them, using this tactic time and again to bring people to ‘heel’.
They lie. To themselves and to others. About the smallest things. Habitual. Pathological.
With their lying comes a sense of not being accountable or responsible in any way. They need to blame, transfer and make it other people’s fault.
Convince others to believe them and that they always know best. They are arrogant ‘know all’s’ who like to dictate and command attention.
Not powerful but forceful. Lime light seekers. Actors and con artists.
Emotionally immature and have temper tantrums if they don’t get their way. No mature reasoning ability.
No genuine concern or empathy for others. Very sensitive to their own needs, health and wants.
Have an apparently good sense of humour but actually use it to demean and belittle others, often in public.
Very quick to take offense and umbrage.
Often get bored, need constant attention and stimulation, and often display addictive as well as deviant behaviour.
There is little/no conscience and like to see what they can ‘get away with’.
They will threaten others with ease. They preach and don’t teach.
You will know that you are under the influence of an emotional/mental bully if you begin, for no apparent reason, all the time, to feel these things that are very unlike your true nature:
Confused
Loss of memory
Guilty
Fearful
Very angry
Tearful
Fatigued
Lacking confidence
Worthless
Stupid
Suicidal
Lethargic
Frustrated
Physically ill
Need to hide
Cannot face reality
Loss of humour
Drained…physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually
Take a moment and look around you. How many people can you identify in your life who affects you like this? Why is it that some people find it easy to identify this behaviour and many cannot? And the most important question is “what is the lesson and what to do?†I will make these answers the topic for my next newsletter.
Much love,
Barbara.
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